Coasting off the heady fun evening of attending a performance of Cannibal! The Musical at Dad’s Garage with Will, I remembered—as I sit with a plastic tumbler of chardonnay (if you know anything about me, you know that plastic is better for Kali than glass) listening to Nirvana—I must report to you the review of Little Five Point’s newest neighborhood addition, The Porter. Matt #1 and Gomez and I met for lunch this past Friday; they were freshly off work and I was freshly—and probably stinkily—out of the gym. The Porter has been on my radar for the past few weeks and a bit before that; I like the idea of getting a really good meal and having a super extensive beer list to boot. I would not use the term “gastropub” for them; I would much prefer “beer bar” as it sounds more friendly and less snootypants.

The interior of The Porter, which I totally failed to take a picture of THIS TIME, is very warm. Lots of blonde wood, open lighting, and whilst I have read complaints about the luggage theme (hence the name of the bar), I have no idea what those people were prattling on about because it wasn’t intrusive and obvious to me.

Ginger Lemonade, the menu, and hush puppies.

Gomez is not a beer drinker, she never will be, and that’s why I love her—this is a lady who carries around champagne should the situation call for it—so she ordered the Ginger Lemonade. It’s a concoction of housemade lemonade, vodka, fresh ginger, and I think there was something else but I can’t remember.

In fact, I’d like to recount somewhat verbatim the conversation she had with our lovely waiter Chris regarding her drink order. (Any faults are my own, Gomez. Feel free to leave a comment correcting me.)

“Have you decided what you’d like?”

“How is the Ginger Lemonade?”

“Oooh, really great.”

“I’ll take it.”

“All right. Do you want the pint or the quart?”

one moment of hesitation. just one.

“I want the quart.”

I, on the other hand, ordered a nice pint of Left Hand Octoberfest, a nice full-bodied beer not too heavy for the weather.

Bacon, some cheese, what's not to love?

Before Matt #1 got there—he was being sloooow—Gomez and I split an appetizer of the Signature Hush Puppies because frankly we were starving and since there was now booze at the table, there had to be something to absorb the liquid love. Gomez and I were pretty much on the same page with this dish. Hush puppies are always a good thing, a Southern thing, but it would’ve been nice if the bacon flavor was more prevalent. We noticed slight bits of cheese; we liked that. Neither of us were too keen on the Fuji apple sauce served on the side, but I kept going for it because it did provide a pretty nice contrast. I don’t like saying I dislike something so the apple sauce is bit sweet for me but others probably dig it.

We promise you there are tomatoes under the arugula. Swear.

Matt #1 finally arrived; he had ordered the Allagash Black for a pint. It looked like…well, it looked like fermented oil; there were bubbles but it looked…evil and thick. Anyway, we ordered lunch. Gomez went for a two-fer; an appetizer and a small bowl of the daily soup. Above is her appetizer: fried green tomatoes with Sweet Grass chevre (that’s goat cheese for you plebs), pickled onions, arugula, and a grilled onion dressing. She pretty much kicked off the arugula—which is okay because I gladly ate it—and just ate the tomatoes, teasing a bit of the goat cheese along with it. She pronounced it delicious but as she has admitted that she thinks fried green tomatoes in any happenstance are delicious, we must be wary of her. I am not as a big fan of the fried green tomato as most people, but Gomez let me have a yummy taste.

Matt #1's sandwich.

Matt #1 ordered one of the daily specials: a sandwich with thinly sliced ham (there was a fancypants name for it, but I have forgotten it), pickled onions, fresh mozzarella, roasted red peppers. His side was a small arugula salad with marinated beets and a creamy dressing that I am at pains to describe. (I got the same thing too for my food so I won’t repeat it again.) He devoured it with great relish and declared it “fantastic.”

Not the best, but probably not the worst.

Before I dish about what I ate, I’d like to make a disclaimer. I am not a proper vegetarian. But then I am not a proper meat eater either. I don’t eat red meat, but if you’ve read this blog you know why. I am not some weird-ass militant PETA card-carrier, just someone who doesn’t enjoy the taste and texture of certain foods, raisins and red meat being amongst them.

That being said, I want to thank The Porter’s Chris for being honest with me.

I asked, because I have a benchmark and I HAVE to ask, what their veggie burger was like. Was it a frozen patty slapped onto a grill or was it like that wonderful delectable delight that the Righteous Room makes from hand which has never failed to please me? He said the former.

I accepted that and ordered it nonetheless. It was accompanied by pickled onions (there seems to be a theme, doesn’t there?), feta, charred onion mayo (which I could not discern) on tomato foccacia. It was fair.

I liked that it rang the bells a bit with the pickled onions and feta, but I must implore Kelly and her husband: give me a veggie burger that other half-assed, smart-assed, and tight-assed vegetarians scream for! So many chefs leave my like-minded bethren behind when it comes to vegetarian options. Being in Little Five, veggie options are your weekly bread-and-butter. But again, I am only a home cook and I like your establishment to come again….and again.

To finish out this fairly positive review…Matt #1 had the St. Bernardus before we left and loved it much more than the Allagash Black (he said the Allagash was too like the thickness of Guinness), I had another Left Hand Octoberfest  (which was still stout and fab), and of course, Gomez had chuckled and sipped the rest of her beverage. I like The Porter; I want The Porter to flourish even though I will not be able to be here for its…flourishing (okay, must stop sipping the chardonnay). But I plan on coming back if only to see if the chefs try something new with their menus or augment the one they have. I love the idea of having only a few mains, but if so, please change at least two of the mains.

You go, The Porter. Until I move to Canada in March, you’ve got my support.