And that is how to make biscuits. It’s not like we haven’t seen our grandmothers, mothers, aunts, and great-grandmothers do this many times throughout our lives. It’s not as though we haven’t munched on raw biscuit dough when their backs were turned to slide another delicious batch of buttery flaky goodness into the oven. (Okay, that might just be me.) I think the only reason I never attempted before was because biscuits seemed so time-consuming and if you live in a large city, there’s bound to be somewhere out there that has a really good biscuit on their breakfast/brunch menu. (And though I am lazy, biscuits DO NOT come from a cylindrical can nor a grocer’s freezer.)

But I digress.

What dough looks like.

I found a really simple (yet somehow complicated) recipe from Atlanta’s famed Southern chef, Scott Peacock.

I’ve had dinner at his restaurant before and it was lovely; it’s one of those places you should take your family or loved ones because it’s Southern food done elegantly yet authentically. In any case, having the day off, I tried to follow his recipe because, frankly, I wanted to see if I could do it. It meant turning my large counter into a Winter Wonderland of flour but I had to. I do not yet own a cutting board large enough for an undertaking such as this. Making homemade biscuits means something I can be proud of, but pride often causes a fall.

Little soldiers all lined up in a row....for the killing oven.

In fact, Scott’s recipe is so much more elaborate than my usual song-and-dance that I will gladly refer you to it here.

And now…the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The results of a half-hour’s worth of work and anxiety.

They're my first try but sure not my last.

They didn’t really rise. Nor really turn golden brown (except for their bottoms). I can immediately tell what I did wrong, though. Scott highly recommends using biscuit cutters NOT juice glasses because the glasses create a suction and you have to twist to get them out, thus sealing the edge of the biscuits and preventing its glorious rise to fluffiness. Guess what I said? “Screw you, Peacock, I’m not shelling out $20 or more for some namby-pamby Williams-Sonoma kitchen utensil! Hand me my juice glass!!”

Now I say: “Excuse me, Mister Peacock, may I see your copy of the 2009 Williams-Sonoma catalog? Thanks.”

My second error was not using a large enough nor heavy enough cookie sheet. I got the parchment paper bit right, but that doesn’t make up for a nice sturdy cookie sheet designed to withstand the 500-degree oven these babies need.

Regardless, this is my first try. There will be others because there are cream biscuits, sweet cream biscuits (perfect for shortcakes, I hear), and these traditional guys again. I am proud to at least embrace my Southern heritage. And on the other hand I am glad I am not marrying a fellow Southern man because while these biscuits are still tasty (a little gummier than they should be but that’s the rising dough thing again), they would disqualify me from gettin’ hitched.